BerryGirl’s blog

* Daughter: If a man loves you, really loves and cares for you, then he will not ask you to disrespect yourself. So, if some guy swears he loves you, but is pressuring you to get physical, he is loving himself first. Don't fall for the 'but I'm in love' trap. It will snare you every time. The next thing you know, you are excusing behaviors that you know are wrong.

Now, go read 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye.' (that book just might be a sweet 16 present... or maybe earlier, who knows!?!).

Son: Don't mistake lust for love. Treat all women with respect. Don't let your desires take over to where taking someone for granted isn't a big deal. Treat every woman as your sister, until you are ready to be in a committed (i.e. close to marriage, one that will honor and glorify God) relationship. (I'm hoping that the future hubby will have more to add here).

Yeah, you go read 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye,' too. Borrow it from your sister. (or she can borrow it from you, whoever is born first, gets it first).

* If you feel as though you are doing something wrong, maybe even living your life wrong... PRAY ABOUT IT! Faithfully pray to God, and He will give you the answer. You just have to be prepared to hear what He is saying. You may even have to change your life. Go for it, it will be worth it.

* Read the Bible the WHOLE WAY THROUGH. Do it more than once. You will learn more from God each time you read it. Think of it as an instruction manual for life. Be aware that Israel is you. It's every man and woman on this earth.

* Take TV and movies for what they are worth. As in entertainment only. It helps to think of how characters are doing things wrong with their lives, seeing how they put themselves first in everything... and the failures that can come of it. Realize that it's fiction, and in no way reflects real life, even when it seems like it does.

* Be aware of the lessons God is teaching you. When you put yourself above God, things will not turn out right. Yes, that means that YOU or ANYTHING ELSE can become a false god. Emotions, careers, family, friends, relationships, hobbies, lifestyles, idea of something...anything. An idol isn't just a graven image. It is anything that takes your focus away from God.

* It really is best to 'turn the other cheek.' This can be difficult, but just realize that the feelings that come from retribution are just as fleeting as any other emotion. Just know that loving someone, even if they aren't good to you, is GOOD for that person. And Jesus told us to love one another. It's always good to listen to Him! (John 13:34, and others)

One caveat: you don't have to stay in a relationship with someone who treats you unwell. I'm not saying 'put it with it' in that regard. Just be kind to those who aren't kind to you. It very may well be the only real love they ever experience (but hope that it's not!).

* When you go off on your own, be it for college or anything else; be sure to find a great church as soon as possible. You really do need it, and it's not being disloyal to your home church. Not getting involved with a local church makes being caught up in worldly things much easier. And that is not good, my child. It can only lead to darkness, not light. You do not want to be in the former.

* Learn how to witness early on. Don't be shy about it. Read everything that you can. Be discipled by other, more mature believers. (hopefully by then, I will be better at that, then I can help you).

* Never feel as though you are alone. You aren't. God is with you, always. He is the only One who can actually always be with you, know you fully (even better than yourself), and only wants what's good for you.

* Your parents love you very much, and only want what's best for you, too. Think of that before you rebel. If you have some unresolved issues lurking around in your mind, talk with your parents about them. We love you, nothing will change that.

I know you will want to experience many things on your own... but just know that you really CAN learn from other people’s mistakes.  Trust me!  ;)

*Warning: This starts out as a pity party, but doesn't end that way... trust me!*

Written at 12:45 am

How is it that I am repeatedly treated like a doormat? Taken for granted? It is literally a constant in my life. Almost every one in my life has treated me in this way at some point. 'Oh Mandi won't mind if I take things out on her.' 'Oh surely Mandi will be fine with me (attempting) to take that guy's attention away from her. Why does Mandi need attention from him, she should be paying attention to me!' 'Be a good friend? Nah, not to Mandi. She won't mind.' 'Hey, I know I've dated Mandi for x months, but it will totally be fine if I break up with her OVER THE PHONE!'

I could go on and on, psycho-analying my past, events that happened to me that made it easier just to keep my mouth shut- but really, that won't do any good. I have been praying really hard to have patience with such people mentioned above, but feel as though I've been too patient to begin with. How do I reconcile attempting to have a humble heart, when exhibiting humble behavior got me here in the first place?

My church small group has been reading Humility: True Greatness, by C.J. Mahoney. So far, verses such as the following have been discussed:

Isaiah 66:2 (KJV)
For all those things My hand has made, And all those things exist,” Says the LORD. “But on this one will I look:bOn him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, And who trembles at My word.

II Chronicles 16:9 (KJV)
For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him. In this you have done foolishly; therefore from now on you shall have wars.”

James 4:6 (KJV)
But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”

Proverbs 8:13 (KJV)

The fear of the LORD is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way And the perverse mouth I hate.

Proverbs 16:5 (KJV)
Everyone proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD; Though they join forces, none will go unpunished.

Proverbs 16:18 (KJV)
Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall.

I Peter 5:5 (KJV)
Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”

Mark 9:35 (KJV)
And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”

Mark 10:42-45 (KJV)
42 But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 43 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. 44 And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. 45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

Could it really be that I've been 'humble' for all the wrong reasons? Give me a minute, I'm processing this. Walking on eggshells, careful not to disturb.... Have I been doing that for God, or for myself, and can I just chalk it up to 'that's how I am*'? I recall being told by my Grandma about treating others as I would have them treat me. Could it be that I was doing that for my own selfish gain? 'If I treat others well, then they will have to treat me the same.' Well, we all know that most people don't even care to get so close as to actually think what might be good for another. I shouldn't say most, but I'm in a rare (these days) pessimistic mood right now.

As with all things in life, if we do it for ourselves, not for God (as in putting ourselves above God), things will just not turn out right. Man, I feel like I've taken a beating lately. Oh well, I did ask God to help me 'dig out**' those unnoticable sins... I really shouldn't complain about answered prayers. It's all in your motivation, folks. M-O-T-I-V-A-T-I-O-N.

Wow, I feel better now! No more tears about this... this is another step taken.

What is your motivation for every aspect of your life? Really, try to sit and write it all down.

Is your motivation to glorify God? Glorify yourself? Or glorify someone else (even the idea of someone else)? Do you glorify an ideal? A philosophy? Hatha yoga? Who/What/Where/When/Why/How are you glorifying, through your actions, thoughts, deeds?

Dear Lord, I thank you for your kindness, grace and mercy. I thank you that when I ask, honestly want to know the truth about myself, you faithfully show me- warts and all. I am grateful for this, because it allows me to attempt to replace the bad stuff with good. I am grateful that when I ask, I do receive, even if it isn't all that easy to hear. And I want to be ever diligent to use the knowledge you have given me to Your HONOR and GLORY. Not mine or any other man. No one else's but Yours. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

*'I can't help who I am' doesn't cut it with God. Who you can be, through Him... now that's more like it.

**http://chasingfireworks.blogspot.com/2008/02/im-diggin-it.html

**http://chasingfireworks.blogspot.com/2008/01/now-you-have-wonderful-day-maam.html

Finished at 2:00 am.

GOOD READS FOR TODAY:
Regeneration, Faith, Love; In That Order
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2008/2647_Regeneration_Faith_Love_In_That_Order/
Proverbs 22:1
http://theberean.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Home.showBerean/BereanID/928/Proverbs-22-1

Jehovah-Hayah; The Self-Sufficient Lord
http://thelife.com/blogs/experience/devotionalforwomen/2008/03/11/jehovah-hayah-the-self-sufficient-lord/#comments

How to Pray with God's Power
http://www.christianity.com/Home/Christian%20Living%20Features/1335889/

A Strong Man's Weakness
http://www.christianity.com/Home/Christian%20Living%20Features/11555320/

Okay, so in that blog, I alluded to something I felt that God was leading me to do. This was to enter the missionary field, particularly going overseas. I didn't know why, but it was on my mind constantly. So, my church had a missions meeting a few weeks ago, which was great. And I think I now know why I had missions work on my mind.

The meeting we had was an introduction to missions work, and in the specific areas my church is focusing on. It was an 'introduction to missions' for me. I have never sat through a meeting like that before. My church will, in the next 1-2 years, put together small groups to go overseas. The leader of the meeting said that you don't have to be absolutely sure about doing it, and that he will be having monthly meetings starting soon.

So, about a week after that meeting, I've figured out why missions work was in my mind. It prompted me to go to this meeting at my church. Which led to me learning about missions work, the different types (as far as short-medium-long term), and some obstacles that can stand in the way (my student loan debt being a BIG ONE - the organization my church goes through is reluctant to send people overseas who have debt, which is completely understandable-this is thinking in terms of the person and their ability to pay the debt).

In short, I feel as though going to these meetings will lead to something for me. Maybe going overseas, maybe just assisting with the mission workers that my church sends out, but ultimately, it will help me learn how to share the GOSPEL better. Which I think is why I thought of missions work in the first place. I'm in that EXCITED stage (which I hope to never lose), where I want everyone to feel the way I do, for everyone to know HIM... but I'm lacking in the area of sharing it. I feel as though my participation in these meetings, along with my attendance in my church's core seminar 'Apologetics and World Views' will lead me to where I want to be. Not exactly a physical location, but a spiritual one, where I can share the Good Word with confidence.

How's that for 'the Lord works in mysterious ways?' Pretty cool, huh? :)

Two other things I thought of was these: first, that I thought of doing mission work in the grandest way possible, because I felt guilty for going so long doing 'not so much,' that I wanted to do 'whoa, a lot.' I've found that when dealing with most things, baby steps are the best approach for me. Secondly, it would be great to go overseas, but that mission work can (and needs) to be done in my own back yard. So going to Africa, Asia or Europe may or may not be where God wants me to go. Only time will tell. So, I'll just keep on praying, and walking where He leads me.

Psalm 9 (King James Version)

10And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.
11Sing praises to the LORD, which dwelleth in Zion: declare among the people his doings.

I was a backslider. Definitely. I wouldn't say it was one big event, but it was a gradual slope, turned into a roller coaster ride (and I don't like roller coasters, so I can't say it was that much fun). Below is from a daily devotional that I read... well, daily. Written by C.H. Spurgeon.

"Renew a steadfast spirit within me." - Psalm 51:10

"A backslider, if there is a spark of life left in him, will groan after restoration. In this renewal the same exercise of grace is required as at our conversion. We needed repentance then; we certainly need it now. We wanted faith that we might come to Christ at first; only the same grace can bring us to Jesus now. We wanted a word from the Most High, a word from the lip of the loving One, to end our fears then; we shall soon discover, when under a sense of present sin, that we need it now. No one can be renewed without a manifestation of the Holy Spirit's energy that is as real and true as at the first renewal because the work is as great, and flesh and blood are just as present now as they ever were. Let your personal weakness, O Christian, be an argument to make you pray earnestly to your God for help. Remember, David didn't fold his arms or close his lips when he felt himself to be powerless; instead, he hastened to the mercy seat with "renew a steadfast spirit within me." Don't let the doctrine that you can do nothing unaided make you sleep; but let it be a goad in your side to drive you with great earnestness to Israel's strong Helper. O that you may have grace to plead with God, as though you pleaded for your very life - "Lord, renew a steadfast spirit within me." Those who sincerely pray to God to do this, will prove their honesty by using the means through which God works. Pray often; live upon the Word of God often; kill lusts which have driven your Lord from you; be careful to watch over future uprisings of sin. The Lord has His own appointed ways; sit by the wayside and you will be ready when He passes by. Continue in all those blessed ordinances which will foster and nourish your dying graces; and, knowing that all the power must proceed from Him, never stop saying, "Renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Morning and Evening, Charles H. Spurgeon, Hendrickson Publishers.

I will say that I read this AFTER I had decided to 'renew my spirit.' I did a lot of what Spurgeon listed towards the end of the devotional. Most importantly I prayed. I prayed, for change in myself. I prayed to God that I could finally see where I had gone wrong. Things that were both in and out of my control definitely took my focus away. I prayed to God to help me with this. To be close to Him again. To go back to how I used to be. I prayed for help to give everything up to Him. I prayed for Christian friends. I prayed for a place to fellowship.

And you know what? It's all coming true. It's unfolding slowly. Except this time it's hasn't been a roller coaster ride (although you never know...).

It has been beautiful.

Psalm 51 (King James Version)

1Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
3For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
4Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
5Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
15O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
16For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
18Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

Ahhh, who doesn't love that movie?!? I mean really...

Anyway, to my point. There is something that I'm feeling led to do. Led to do by God... for God. I have been praying about it, I am trying to learn about it. A big part of me feels like I'm not ready for it right now, although I don't think that's up to me. Regardless, I am attempting to ready myself for this... ADVENTURE!

So, sometimes when I'm thinking a lot about something, I will look up quotes. I am a quote-junkie... you have no idea! I love reading other people's expressions of something that maybe I'm thinking about too. They sometimes make the thought more clear in my mind.

So I googled 'adventure quotes' and came up with the one's below. All but the last one were from think-exist.com. The other one came from something like inspirationalquotes.com:

“I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I'm going is what inspires me to travel it.”
Rosalia de Castro quotes (The most outstanding modern writer in the Galician language, 1837-1885)

“Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time.”
Leo F. Buscaglia quotes (American guru, tireless advocate of the power of love, 1924-1998)

“It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves.”
Andre Gide (French writer, humanist and moralist, 1947 nobel prize for literature, 1869-1951)

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”
Helen Keller (American Author and Educator who was blind and deaf. 1880-1968)

“We love because it's the only true adventure”
Nikki Giovanni (African-American Poet, b.1943)

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.”
Jawaharlal Nehru (Indian Prime Minister. 1889-1964)

“An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.”
G. K. Chesterton (English born Gabonese Critic, Essayist, Novelist and Poet, 1874-1936)

“One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure”
William Feather

“Why, I'd like nothing better than to achieve some bold adventure, worthy of our trip.”
Aristophanes (The greatest representative of ancient Greek comedy, 450-385 BC)

"A large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life, by him who interests his heart in everything."
Laurence Sterne

Now, I admit that some of these may not jive with my thoughts if taken in context... as in the author may have meant something entirely different than what I thought (as in the Aristophanes quote, I see 'trip' as life, this quote could have been taken from a story about a... trip). I still use quotes like these as inspirations for my... well... dreams sometimes.

Today's devotionals:

GOD IS ENOUGH: Christian Women Today Devotional:
http://talk.thelife.com/blogs/experience/devotionalforwomen/2008/02/22/god-is-enough/#comments

Encouragement for Today from Proverbs 31 Ministries:
http://bible.christianity.com/devotionals/encouragement/11568904/

The Berean: http://theberean.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Home.showBerean/BereanID/824/Exodus-20-7.htm

Here are the lyrics:

"Faithful"

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms 'round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what I long for

[CHORUS]
When I can't feel you, I have learned

to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tounge,knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

Both written last night...

What if...

... God has a bigger plan for me than a husband and kids? Maybe not bigger, but... different. Although I can't imagine what that would be...
... I am single until I die (que movie scream, I think the shower scene from 'Psycho' would be appropriate).

A Baylor friend of mine once told me that she wrote a list of the characteristics she wanted in a man. Soon after making the list, she met her husband, and he met every single one of them. She talked me into doing the same.

Well, I came across that list the other day, and decided to do it again last night. As I wrote down different characteristics, I had a though. 'Wait a minute, this is how GOD is.'

TRUSTWORTHY, GIVING, LISTENS, UNDERSTANDS, WISE, LOVING, SELFLESS,

KNOWS THE REAL ME AND LOVES ME ANY WAY.

There is more to the list, like TRAVELS and COOKS, but none of that really matters (and believe me, I'm well aware that there is no man who can fulfill everything I think I want).

Here is my point (and I do have one). Everything I want, I already HAVE. So there. E-Harmony, quit sending me e-mails!

And of course I want things like companionship and romance... but WHAT IF I don't ever have those? (que movie scream, again). I know, total buzz-kill Mandi here, but... what if?

Well, I will just have to be fine with it. Because I'm certainly not settling for less than what I deserve. And if there is no man in God's plan for me? Well, I will just have to trust that God has a bigger plan for me... different than what I ever imagined.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RAMBLIN' MAN-DI

I have a feeling that this will not be my last stop. Don't get me wrong, I love DC, but I just have this feeling.

Nothing I've done in my life has really been completely planned out. College... not so much. Jobs after college... nope. Grad school... and several tens of thousands of debt later... not really (cringe). Even moving to DC was fairly spur of the moment.

All of these decisions, when put into action, produced a lot of anxiety. Inevitably, though, I became happy with my decisions, and have had great (and some not so great) experiences. I have learned an extreme amount about myself and this world that I live in.

I feel as though I have been led down this path... maybe more of a nudge, if you will. So I'm just going to keep it up, not worry so much. To do otherwise, well, that just wouldn't be me.

Today's devotional (Feb. 20): http://christianity.com/devotionals/encouragement/11568788/

My Hope lies not in any man

My Love comes from the Greatest Love

My Peace lies in the silence of His magesty...

***

My Heart awaits the day in which it will be made whole

***

My Will has been surrendered

My Pain no longer self-inflicted

***

My Life has been laid down before the One who gave His life for me

***

My Fear of the unknown has become...

My Joy in the adventure

***

My Prayer does not cease ... to amaze me in His answering

***

My Hope ... lies in the eternal Mercy and Grace of God.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Valentine's Day this year was a day of pure joy for me. It wasn't necessarily a conscious decision ... but it was wonderful. I could have cared less that I was yet again single. None of that mattered. I didn't feel lonely. Didn't feel sorry for myself ... It was almost as if I could feel God's love all around me. I could see it in the kindness of strangers and friends. I felt it in the usual way from my family. I witnessed it in a family who had just adopted a baby ... and allowed me to join in the celebration. It was a beautiful day.

Love is all around, obviously in varying degrees, but if you let yourself soak it all in ... it's something that I try to do every day. When you feel this way ... who cares about being single?!?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
I John 4:16 (KJV)

We sing this song every single Sunday morning, in preparation of service... in preparation of worship...

How Deep the Father's Love

How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure,

That he should give his only Son to make a wretch his treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss: the Father turns his face away,

As wounds which mar the chosen one bring many sons to glory.

Behold the man upon the cross, my sin upon his shoulders;

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held him there until it was accomplished;

His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom;

But I will boast in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from his reward?  I cannot give an answer,

But this I know with all my heart, his wounds have paid my ransom.

Author, Stuart Townend

Copywrite 1995 Kingsways' Thankyou Music

I cannot sing this without tearing up. 

I'm glad to be part of a church that is not only Christ-centered and Bible-centered... but very much Gospel-centered.

UPDATE:  Oops, we don't sing it every single Sunday. It just seemed like it for awhile....

We do always sing a song about the Gospel, though... :)  

February 1, 2008

12:14 am

One big push.... it away

The mere weight of it is crushing

My dreams

Something this big, this oppresive, how do I give it up.. to Him?

It's smothering, yet oddly comforting.  Held tightly to myself for so long...

without it I would feel... laid bare... naked, undefended.

Opening up, feeling raw

A blast of wind so feared for the damage it could do.

Frightened more of the possibility than the reality

For what is reality, anyway?

What we see with our eyes, taste with our lips...

Or is it what we know in our hearts.

Isaiah 58:6 (KJV)  Is not this fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

Dear friend, break every single yoke.  Sometimes I fear it may take a lifetime... for me.  There is a burden on me so great... I can only pray for God to help me BEGIN to know how to start giving it to Him.  I feel as though a mountain has risen up before me... yet this time there is no denying it, no going the long way around, no avoiding the... adventure.  I will go straight up, and stand breathless at its peak.  Victorious.  And smiling.

Dig up those roots, friends.

Start digging.

Dear Lord, This one may take awhile.  I pray for patience, for perserverence, I pray for... ultimate peace.  I will not give up, for I know you will not, will never give up on me.  I owe myself that same courtesy.  Thank you for every blessing you have bestowed upon me.  In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

This morning's devotional: 'They Will See God.'

http://www.christianity.com/devotionals/encouragement/11566469/